Backsliding

I’m frustrated with myself.  Yes, I need to practice what I preach and be kind to myself, but some days it’s difficult.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I started out with a healthy breakfast, but after that the healthy eating took a horrible left turn down Junk Food Street and got lost on the wrong side of the Good Eating tracks. Pretty much stayed there until dinner. (Although I don’t think I’d call homemade pizza “healthy”, it’s better than what I’d been doing the rest of the day. Plus, there was spinach involved.)

I spent the day chained to my desk in a way I haven’t been for months. We were short handed and it was just an overwhelmingly busy day.  I can’t make any excuse for my lunch choice other than blaming stress, but even that’s a pretty pathetic excuse when I had a full hour.

I walked roughly 4,000 steps yesterday. I’ve usually done that many by 1pm.  I felt awful. I only drank about 1/2 a gallon of water yesterday, too. (I usually knock out a gallon/day.)  PMDD was kicking my ass in the worst way.  Cramps, bloating, depression, cravings.  I gave into all of it.  I made it through the day without any emotional outbursts, but once I got home…I crashed and burned.  I knew I would if I didn’t get some exercise.  I wanted to take the kids to the gym, but after an unsavory report from the babysitter, I decided against it.  Plus, dinner had to be made and I didn’t sleep well the night before. Excuses excuses excuses.

I fell asleep before 8pm. (Thank God for my wonderful husband – he got up and took care of the kiddos so I could wallow and pass out.)  I woke up at around 10:45pm completely confused.  I barely remembered Rick getting up for work. I didn’t make his lunch or anything.  I was sleeping in the shirt I’d worn to work, bra and panties.  My chest was sweating when I woke up and I thought it was nearly morning.  I got up and realized what was going on… changed into something more comfortable… let the dogs out.  I had a snack (small bowl of Special K w/ Berries) – I didn’t need it, per se, but I wanted it.  I sat up until almost midnight, then went back to bed.  I slept until 5:30am.

Doing better today.  It’s a new day.  I can’t let every setback knock me down.

What I do need to realize is that I will likely have a day of binge eating each month due to my hormonal ridiculousness.  Because of that, I need to make less bad choices at other times.  I ate more queso over the past weekend than I care to admit!  And we had strawberry lemonades with vodka on Friday night.  Popcorn… etc, etc.  If I know I’m going to turn into an emotional eating disaster once a month, I need to prepare for it better throughout the month by not having as many “bad” days when I’m emotionally stable.

I’m also staying away from the scale. It’s not going to help me to see my bloated self reflected in numbers on a scale. I’ll wait until Friday to weigh again. 

Today… I’m hitting the gym after work with the kids. (They’d better be well-behaved today!  If they act like total monsters, I may just make them watch me play the Wii all evening!!!) And I wore my sneakers to work (casual week – yay!), so maybe I’ll be more inclined to go for a walk in this god-forsaken heat.  I’ve planned for more fruits and veggies today.  I’m down 1/2 a gallon of water already. I’ll repair the damage done yesterday.

I will forgive myself for backsliding.

I won’t let one meal, one day, one week define me.